Category Archives: Personal

12/07/2015

Earlier this week I had Monday and Tuesday off of work, which would normally be great for most people. Not me though. I must follow a schedule on the weekdays, stay active and stay outdoors. After an exhausting night at work Sunday, I plopped on my mattress and go into my “hibernation zone” (as my family likes to call it). In my mind, I try to think about how I deserve to relax and rest, so I try to calm the racing, overwhelming thoughts of what has and hasn’t been done on my to-do list – whatever that was earlier on this week. I try to drown out the negative thoughts. I take my last dosage of medication for the day. Finally, peace. I awake Monday afternoon around 2pm, pissed off because I’m already feeling the guilt off not getting my day started earlier, so I persuade myself to fall back into a daze, and I do. No meds taken. Fast forward to the next night, Tuesday around 8pm – Why can’t I just be motivated? WHY? why ? why…? guilt, shame, embarrassment, isolation – it all comes along with the agony of knowing I just wasted two beautiful days inside, on my bed, watching repetitive tv shows and feel even worse.

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You can’t direct the wind, but can adjust your sails

Our pervasive demand for certainty in an uncertain world – for as we wait for certainty, our life passes us by.

What are some things that happened during your childhood that you find yourself still carrying around with you? What old behavior (or behaviors) still gets in your way? What is the connection between what happened when you were young and those behaviors that get in your way? What does freedom mean to you? Where have you lost yours? Do you think your fears will ever leave entirely? What if they don’t?

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Bucket List

Finally started my first bucket list. Let’s see where this leads me..

1. Take a road trip to California, USA.

2. Stay at the Hotel Del Coronado.bucketlist

3. Buy a boat

4. Get my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and Biology

5. Start singing again

6. Travel to beautiful places

7. Visit the Grand Canyon

8. Join a pottery & painting class.

9. Obtain my Master’s of Medical Sciences from Emory University

10. Grow my own garden (and keep up with it)

11. Donate to charity and other organizations

12. Write my own book

13. A weekend in Las Vegas

14. Learn to play the piano.

15. Become an Al-Anon Sponsor

16. Work with the Prison Fellowship

17. Write a book

To be continued….