Heart so huge, I wonder if they’ll ever know. I hurt, I weep, but maybe it doesn’t show. I worry, I cry, stress then panic. Why is it that my life’s become so manic? Behavior is erratic, don’t know how to take it, predictably an addict. Just rehab for a bit, then go out and fake it. You’re good at it, well not anymore. What is that voice I try to ignore? Thoughts are sporadic, impulsive, to the point. Not meant to hurt, but just to annoint. Life’s so complicated and I’ve raised the stakes high. I want to give it another shot, but I’m afraid of getting denied. You gotta take a chance, give it guts and glory, so by the time you’re where you want to be you can tell your story.
I should be use to this by now. She’s gone once again. I’ve become so immune to the lies and disappointments, Once again, addiction has taken the lead. You know this all too well. I know this all too well. I tell myself it’ll be the last time you get to me. I do hope you’re okay though. It’s time for me to take care of myself now. You’ll always be my Mother, don’t worry. Please remember it’s not too late to help yourself. You did it once before. Have you given up? I hope not. Still, I regret not trying hard enough. I was always here. Adult Children of Alcoholics blame themselves over and over again. I’m one of those children. I’ll always be an adult child of an alcoholic, always. I’ve come to the realization that I have options for myself. I can continue to revolve my life around the addiction and alcoholism, but I won’t. I also have the choice to forgive and make peace with my past. It’s what I need to move forward with my life. It’s time to respect myself. No guilt added.