I should be use to this by now. She’s gone once again. I’ve become so immune to the lies and disappointments, Once again, addiction has taken the lead. You know this all too well. I know this all too well. I tell myself it’ll be the last time you get to me. I do hope you’re okay though. It’s time for me to take care of myself now. You’ll always be my Mother, don’t worry. Please remember it’s not too late to help yourself. You did it once before. Have you given up? I hope not. Still, I regret not trying hard enough. I was always here. Adult Children of Alcoholics blame themselves over and over again. I’m one of those children. I’ll always be an adult child of an alcoholic, always. I’ve come to the realization that I have options for myself. I can continue to revolve my life around the addiction and alcoholism, but I won’t. I also have the choice to forgive and make peace with my past. It’s what I need to move forward with my life. It’s time to respect myself. No guilt added.
If you’re anything like me, you may have faced similar obstacles with your addicted loved one. Sometimes it’s like loving a complete stranger. Loving an addict is no easy task. Due to the very nature of the disease, drug addicts’ personalities are drastically altered. One minute everything is calm; next thing you know chaos erupts and all of life’s boundaries go flying out the window.
It’s safe to assume that the person standing before you today bears little resemblance to the loving and caring individual you knew pre-addiction. Sadly, it’s hard to even remember those days. The days that weren’t consumed of the addiction and all the sorrow that comes along with it..
Regardless the drug of choice, your loved one’s brain has been substantively changed by the disease of addiction. Despite being keenly aware that his actions are self-destructive, the physical and mental obsessions of addiction keep him shackled. I’ve seen it all too well. As if by some form of dark magic, drugs have caused your loved one to morph into a total stranger.
Instead of confronting the disease of addiction, most addicts work to hide its existence. Your loved one is likely no different. He tries desperately to convince you there’s nothing wrong.
When that doesn’t work, he grows angry and lashes out. He’s filled with rage, anger, rejection and denial. Our attempt to intervene has failed once again.
As your loved one sinks deeper into addiction, his desperation intensifies. Between the physiological changes and psychological defenses, addiction becomes both a physical and mental disorder. Once the puzzle pieces are in place, your loved one begins exhibiting emotional immaturity, self-centeredness and irresponsibility. Things that were once important seem so distant and faded. Broken promises, lies, and stealing have become the norm.
Despite the love he feels for you, nothing is more important to your addicted loved one than drugs and alcohol. He’ll do anything to feed his habit…it’s a matter of survival.