Earlier this week I had Monday and Tuesday off of work, which would normally be great for most people. Not me though. I must follow a schedule on the weekdays, stay active and stay outdoors. After an exhausting night at work Sunday, I plopped on my mattress and go into my “hibernation zone” (as my family likes to call it). In my mind, I try to think about how I deserve to relax and rest, so I try to calm the racing, overwhelming thoughts of what has and hasn’t been done on my to-do list – whatever that was earlier on this week. I try to drown out the negative thoughts. I take my last dosage of medication for the day. Finally, peace. I awake Monday afternoon around 2pm, pissed off because I’m already feeling the guilt off not getting my day started earlier, so I persuade myself to fall back into a daze, and I do. No meds taken. Fast forward to the next night, Tuesday around 8pm – Why can’t I just be motivated? WHY? why ? why…? guilt, shame, embarrassment, isolation – it all comes along with the agony of knowing I just wasted two beautiful days inside, on my bed, watching repetitive tv shows and feel even worse.

depr cna


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